what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Randomize
