First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
