Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Randomize
