so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
