So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
