Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
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