He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
