if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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