Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Randomize
