Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Randomize
