Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Randomize
