Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
