OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
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