I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
