So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
This is not my ceiling
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
