Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
