White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
