If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
