i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
