You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
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