You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
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