i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
