i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Dignity is for republicans.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
