new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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