There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Randomize
