Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Randomize
