I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
