I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize
