I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
