how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
