We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Randomize
