Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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