He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
