My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
