he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
50% drunk capacity currently
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
