Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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