So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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