i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
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