While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Bring me that man meat
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
