Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
