all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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