maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
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