i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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