11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Success! We fucked roommates!
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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