I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
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