she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
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