oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
