Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
