i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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