Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
