I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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