She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
