why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
