I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
