I'm laying in your front yard are you home
it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
