what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
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