I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Randomize
