I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
