Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I need moral support for this bender
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
