everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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