i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
It's rum buckets o'clock
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
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