I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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