Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I would ride that face into the sunset
My feet surprised me
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
