If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
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