so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
When are your genitals available?
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
