so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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