It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
My vagina just recognized that song.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Randomize
