If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Randomize
