Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
i think i scared a bird with my dick
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
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