My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
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