Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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