GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
