im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
