Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
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