the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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