What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Randomize
