At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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