I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
operation harelip BJ is a go
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
