now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Randomize
