Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
being pregnant is like rehab
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
