Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
