Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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