So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
