He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
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